Grad school: be ready to talk (A LOT)

Having no one in the family attending grad school before, I did not know that grad school is not just about acquiring knowledge, but also about strengthening your own professional opinion and expressing them.

There were various occasions that required me to speak up, share my knowledge, and contribute to the discussion.

Let’s go through some of the typical occasions, why we want to talk more, and how I adapt to “the pressure to talk” as a quiet person.

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Content

1. Typical occasions demand you to talk more
2. Reasons you want to express yourself more
3. Tips for quiet folks

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1. Typical occasions demand you to talk more

Think of grad school as a combination of work and study. You have to handle both students’ responsibilities and workers’ responsibility. There will be more people to communicate with and more discussions to get involved.

As a professional, you are paid for your opinion… and grad school trains you exactly that.

In-classroom occasions:

My graduate school classes were much more discussion- and practice- based than my undergrad ones. Some of the common assignments that both stat and non-stat classes have:

1. Weekly group discussion
2. Weekly comment(s) on class forum
3. Facilitating group discussion in team or on your own
4. Short presentation
5. Individual lecture contributions

Fact: In undergrad classes, you are graded heavily by memorizing what was taught. In grad classes, you are graded by evaluating/analyzing the reading materials, and applying them.

You may already encountered these assignments in undergrad, but this time, with much higher frequency (to the point I didn’t have time to worry how awkward my comments were)

Out-of-classroom occasions:

Getting a graduate degree means you are serious and likely to become a professional in the field. You will want to gain some allies and make friends in your field (networking).

Networking are not just talking to alumni, professionals in events and conferences, but also within your own program. Your supervisors, friends, professors, etc. are the ones who will likely to support you the most in the future.

Some common involvements out-of-classroom you will have:

• Becoming a research assistant in lab
• Working on campus
• Attending conferences
• Volunteer activities
• Case competitions
• Free events on-campus or within your areas
• Student-led clubs/organizations
• Alumni talks
• Meetings organized by professional associations
• Mentorship programs

You never know but the person you randomly stand next to in the event may become your future mentor.

2. Reasons why you want to express yourself more

You may be thinking: “But I don’t have to get involved in them to graduate”, and you are absolutely right! However…

I soon learned that you are only as good as how you can express yourself. I am not saying that you are not good, it is just people don’t know you are good.

There were many situations that a candidate got hired because they made interviewers believe that they could do work, or even students got favored more by talking to professors more.

New people you meet will also meet dozens of new people within a day. They don’t have time to look through your work to know if you are good or not.

If you want to make friends as a newbie in the profession, you need to help them remember you in that brief 5 minute encounter that you have with them.

Also, consistently talk to (and of course listen to) others, you can develop strong relationships with current or future professionals within the field. Knowing people who are interested in the same field like you are inspiring and educating.

If you do not express your opinions more, it is okay, but unfortunately no one will remember you or know what you can do.

3. Tips for quiet folks

I was a really quiet person. I just preferred doing than talking about what I do. So I had to learn and train myself how to talk more.

If you are on a quieter side, or think that the amount of conversations and discussions in grad school is overwhelming, here are my tips:

Number 1: Get to know what types of quiet person are you (introverted or shy).

…And it is okay if you are both (just like me)

You only know how to train yourself to express more depending on which types of quiet person you are.

Number 2: In you are introverted, try to focus on your strengths

If you are introverted, which means you prefer less stimulation and are likely to prefer deeper conversations. Instead seeing it as a drawback, focusing on your strengths.

NOT “because I am introverted, I cannot do …”

BUT “because I am introverted, I will do X after talking to people”

Think of ways to work with your nature.

Talk with quality

The good news is: you don’t need to talk a lot to leave memorable marks on someone’s impression toward you. People remember unique, interesting, self-related events more. So, if you have a conversation with someone, focus on:

1. Get interested in the topic they care
2. Be curious, ask questions, give compliments, elaborate on their thoughts
3. Show your insightful thoughts or detailed observations about them or their opinions

Example: I have a colleague whose comments are always valued in the classes. He never talked a lot, he talked only when he had some new insights.

Take breaks

Whenever you are overwhelmed with social interactions, take breaks and have a ritual to rewind yourself (meditation, journaling, a brief walk, or anything that calms you down)

I used to be worried about missing out if I walked out. but missing some conversations is still better than creating a bad reputation because you are too tired.

Tip: Some may need more breaks than others. Observe and acknowledge your needs. You will be able to endure longer conversations eventually, but for now, work with it.

Number 3: If you are a shy person, prepare yourself, set small social interaction goals, and remember to reward yourself.

It is normal to feel shy in professional settings or even in grad classes. They are all new environment and you are testing the water yourself.

It is easy to get nervous and overthink – trust me, I have been there. However, the best way is to gradually train yourself to be more comfortable because you cannot avoid talking to people, unfortunately.

Prepare

Search online and write down some conversation starter questions. Memorize them and verbalize them on your own alone. – This help you get familiar with asking questions.

Also think of topics that you are interested within the field. It is more engaging to people if they see you are passionate about what you talk.

Slowly train yourself

Here, you want to train yourself like you train a pet to do a trick – operant conditioning.

Don’t immediately force yourself to express a lot more than usual, just a little more toward your desired social comfort.

Remember to find a goal that is easily done based on your current feeling. And reward yourself after you are done with it.

Sometimes, we unconsciously associate social interaction with negative emotions or things, like stress, awkwardness, effort to predict other emotions.

Rewarding ourself after completing a social interaction goal create positive associations with social interaction. This will motivates you to continue to work on your social comfort.

For example:

I was reluctant to go to a conference in my field because I did not want to talk to that many people. At the beginning of the trip, I told myself “My social goal for this conference is to talk to 3 people. And that’s it, I will be satisfied”

In classes that require individual contribution for grades, I would aim for 1 quality comment per class. Professors will remember more if my comment is insightful anyway.

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Conclusion

Being able to express yourself does not only help you do well in grad school, but also help you with future professional experience where you constantly have to give your opinion about the topic you specialize in. 

My communication skills are leveled up thanks to grad school experience. It was not constantly exhausting because I set lower and manageable expectations for myself.

I hope that my experience can help you start thinking how can you manage all the social interactions you will have to have. Let me know your thoughts in the comment.